A "Buick Nut" is someone who...

by John Irby


* envisions a winning drag car or show car where a rusty lump of iron sits in a junkyard.

* always ends a sentence with "but it could use a little more power" or "a little more chrome."

* has trouble remembering his wife's/girlfriend's birthday, but can recite reams of Buick part numbers and obscure automotive trivia for hours on end

* will show you photo albums of cars that he has owned, but will only show you pictures of his children if requested.

* tries to convince his wife that she does not need a new vacuum cleaner because the Shop Vac should do just fine.

* cringes at the thought of "potential restoration projects" going to the crusher.

* remembers important events chronologically by which Buick or Buicks he owned at the time. This phenomenon is known as an Auto-Biography.

* thinks a vacation is a junkyard tour through six states.

* is offended by his wife's/girlfriend's remark that she does not care what kind of car he picks her up in as long as he is on time!

* thinks the perfect home would be atop a huge, completely outfitted, multi-car garage.

* is completely baffled by people who are not into Buicks.